THE PRINCIPAL CAST: General Mackenzie Hawkins, legend, hero, rogue. Sam Devereaux, bright young lawyer from Harvard, now in the army, can't wait to get out. General Hawkin's four ex-wives, a quartet of incredibly endowed women who've formed a club: Hawkin's Harem.

THE PREMISE: Kidnap Pope Francesco I, the most beloved pontiff since John XX III.

RANSOM: One American dollar for every Catholic in the world.

THE PROBLEM: Pope Francesco I says: "Gentle souls, why not?"